Junior Girl Scouts (the ones who wear green) are between the ages of 9 and 11. Wearing this costume, you will effortlessly fulfill the fantasy of the man across the room who wants a fourth grader to visit to his front door. She's selling cookies as a way to learn leadership and business skills. But... she is wearing a skirt, so maybe she's here for something more??
Thank you, Sexy Girl Scout costume. Thank you for opening the door to so many costume possibilities for women. Last year, Sexy Gizmo made my Hot Trash costume possible. I was the hottest bag of festering garbage in town. This year, Sexy Girl Scout has liberated women's costumes to new standards for sexy! If grade school girls aren't off limits, anything is possible. I give you: Sexy Abraham Lincoln
Or, Not-So-Honest Abe. Or, Babe-raham Lincoln. Since anything in a pair of stockings now passes for a scintillating sexpot, it is high time ol' Abe got his due. Yes, the age has finally dawned to emancipate Abraham Lincoln into the glory of smokin' hot Halloween costume status.
Of course, it is that provocative stovepipe hat and oh-so kissable beard that really turns up the heat on this ensemble. Oh, the looks of desire my husband turned upon me as he gazed into the fervor of that well-groomed bristle.
Now, you may need a few minutes to calm yourself and blot the sweat from your forehead. I recognize the power of this sensuous vision. Please, for the sake of the circuits in your keyboard, take a break if needed. Collect yourself before reading on.
For some unfathomable reason, I couldn't find a pair of high-waisted hot pants in the lingerie store. I just had to have that sultry look of a pair of breeches hiked up to my breasts. It's the look so many hungered for in the days of Lincoln and today in the heart of Florida. I eventually made my own from a pair of work slacks, hemming them as high as the spirit of Betsy Ross advised.
Of course, no Sexy Abe Lincoln costume is complete without her John Wilkes Booth. What? Too soon?
In the great taxonomy of things, you have your Lincolns and your Booths. My friend Nikki is decidedly a Booth. That naughty Booth's costume is made from a sheet and an altered vest; cut and stitched to sexy perfection. What dastardly soul wouldn't want to get in those big ol' breeches?
Just as the Sexy Girl Scout costume teaches respect for entrepreneurial nine-year-old girls at Halloween parties across America, we made history come alive throughout the evening, spreading tales of Lincoln's integrity and the consequences of senseless violence against our American heroes.
We created a puffy shirt and arm poofs for Booth as well. We really strived to give her that full coverage in the breast area that men simply go wild for.
Her mustache and goatee are of course the crème de la crème of the Hot Wilkes Booth costume. She flashed her patch all over the streets of Columbus, and caught more than a few gentlemen giving her the eye. Oh the passion that alighted in every heated look that wandered between the forms of Lincoln and Booth.
My apologies to those Halloween costumes that have ruled the sexy scene thus far. Hot Luigi, Sexy Sponge Bob, and yes, even you, Sexy Care Bear; it appears that your reign of seduction has come to an end. But all good things (and cleavage) eventually shrivel and disappear like the legs of a witch under a well-placed house (after a 16-year-old girl drops it on her. You know, Sexy Dorothy.)
Thanks, Sexy Girl Scout. You're revolting enough to start a revolt.